I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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