im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
