I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
