Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
