My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
