I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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