Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
