yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
