So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
