fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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