She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
