remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
