Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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