Already got asked if we're dating
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you never un-have a 4some
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
