We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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