I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize