I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
