well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just googled if crying burns calories
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
