Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
