Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
