There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize