Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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