What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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