If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
