So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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