I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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