I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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