I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize