The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
