Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I believe in your delicious
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
