The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
