i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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