Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
