yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
