i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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