i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
