Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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