Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
