Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
