I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize