fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
