I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
