census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
