some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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