why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
