hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
