I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
