Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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