Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Im part way to drunk.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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