I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
