ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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