11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
