Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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