You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize