clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
