apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
