pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
