He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
