o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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