That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
