your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm jealous of your bromance
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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