goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
