Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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