tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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