I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
