Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
