I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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