you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
