you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
