My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
