Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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