dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
