I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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