I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
