you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
