So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize