i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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