I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
