Sry I called you an 8
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
