she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
