Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
