I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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