Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
