So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
