its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
