If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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