i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
this boner is exhausting
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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