I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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