The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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