Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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