You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
