and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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