My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
