I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
