and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
