threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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