Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
