You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize