Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
