i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
