I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
