I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
