Your face is a jimmy john
You're my little dorito
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
