sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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