Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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