Nicole vs. Life
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
