My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
