Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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