batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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