You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
