lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
